Wow, I really have nothing to write about. I have been staring into blankness for about ten minutes now. And I have nothing to say.
Gokyuzunde yalniz gezen yildizlar
Yeryuzunde sizin kadar yalnizim
Bir haykirsam bekli duyulur sesim
Ben yalnizim, ben yalnizim, yalnizim
This was for my cousin:)
I think I can just talk about nothing for hours. But I rather not. I am kind of emotionless right now. Must be because of last night. It sucks when your boyfriend wants to yell at you when you are all drugged up. You make no sense. I hate taking those medicines. I hate them so much. But I feel so much better once I do take them.
Family status is a little out of control for now. But I'm trying to manage it. I miss my brother alot. Money is kind of a problem right now. It's all good though. My mom bought a fan today. Our house is burning hot. This fan is amazing. I'm going to buy a new bikini tomorow. Am I being random? Doesn't matter. Today I went to my ex boss' house. It was fun. We sat and talked and ate cherez. It reminded me of old days. It was fun.
I get sentimental just thinking about Turkey, and Turkish customs, and how we used to do things. I miss everything. I miss Istanbul so much. You know I hate being here. I love Istanbul. I haven't seen it for 5 years.
And I hate war so much. I wish US would get out of Iraq. I hate this so much. It makes me wanna cry whenever I hear something about it. I love our muslim brothers. And they are suffering so much. I wish I could do something about it. After all, I have no power. All my life I believed that one person could make a difference in the world. At this moment, I dont really think so. I wish I could stop the Isreali-Palestine issue. But I cant. I just don't understand sometimes.
I think I'm done for now. I'm just really sad now. The world needs fixing.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Short Term Goals
I want to finish CAS stuff
I wanna finish reading Hamlet and I want to start reading A Hundred Years of Solitude as soon as possible.
I want to go book shopping, I have a whole list of books I wanna read:)
I want to get a tan.
I wanna continue going to the dentist and to my doctor for my neck and back problems.
I want to stop eating junk food.
I wanna see Bewitched, Batman Begins, Dark Water.
I wanna get my nails done.
I wanna buy a new swimming suit.
I wanna work more hours and I need to talk to my boss about that as soon as possible.
I wanna manual car. So that means I have to get better at driving manual (I sort of suck)
I want AC at my house.
I want to get a haircut.
I need to drink less and smoke less, but I wanna smoke more and drink more.
I want really good abs, I need to start working on that.
I want alot more stuff, but I need to be satisfied with what I have but I WANT MORE, MORE!!!!!
Oh my god.....get out of my head Mr. C......I will never forget that day where got on his knees and screamed "MORE". Good times, good times.
I wanna finish reading Hamlet and I want to start reading A Hundred Years of Solitude as soon as possible.
I want to go book shopping, I have a whole list of books I wanna read:)
I want to get a tan.
I wanna continue going to the dentist and to my doctor for my neck and back problems.
I want to stop eating junk food.
I wanna see Bewitched, Batman Begins, Dark Water.
I wanna get my nails done.
I wanna buy a new swimming suit.
I wanna work more hours and I need to talk to my boss about that as soon as possible.
I wanna manual car. So that means I have to get better at driving manual (I sort of suck)
I want AC at my house.
I want to get a haircut.
I need to drink less and smoke less, but I wanna smoke more and drink more.
I want really good abs, I need to start working on that.
I want alot more stuff, but I need to be satisfied with what I have but I WANT MORE, MORE!!!!!
Oh my god.....get out of my head Mr. C......I will never forget that day where got on his knees and screamed "MORE". Good times, good times.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
just a bunch of things going though my head.....
The past couple of days have been very difficult. I could almost say they are just as difficult as the tainted days of 1999. I don't remember the last time my cries meant so much. I have messed up so many times. And I have been forgiven. I don't deserve to be forgiven this time. I am thankful tho. It must be difficult to tell apart real tears from fake ones. Knowing me, I cry over everything. My word means nothing. All I can do is show you that I care, I love; but it's hard because I have been incapable for many years. My heart's been hard as rock and cold as ice. But I will try. All I want is to have everything the way it was. Seems impossible to achieve at this moment, seems like just a nice dream, but I'm willing to put effort into it. I'm really sorry. I will try to show that I am not empty and I have so much to offer but.....I'm sorry.
Friday, July 01, 2005
Today is Yuriy's Birthday
What a crazy day....
So the most amazing girlfriend I am, I surprised him with a little breakfast get together and invited all his friends. He liked it, even though many people made attempts to ruin the surprise. He is just a bit too slow to solve the puzzle but he was surrprised and it was fun. So it was Lauren, Wes, Vitaly, Yang, Emily, Yuriy and I. And all you guys who said you guys were coming and didn't show up be ashamed of yourselves. ....We all had good breakfast. After that; Yang, Wes, Emily, Yuriy and I went to Elitche's... That was also a part of his surprise birthday. We had dippin dots and funnel cake:):):):) Believe it or not that was just as fun as the rides:) It was awesome. I was looking for Wes and Yang. I accidently said "where is Wang and Yes?" I thought that was really funny:) And then....My boyfriend won me a "cat in the hat" hat. heheh...I made friends with everyone. Now I have three boyfriends. One of them is 12 and the other is 7. I wanted to make friends with this other boy but he rejected me. He rejected my friendship, that was really sad:( I told my 12 year old boyfriend that Yuriy beats me and he yelled at Yuriy and Yuriy said "don't beat my new girlfriend up from now on" and I love how he responded "ok, I won't!".....Hehehe we had alot of fun. My stomach got really sick after sea dragon boat ride thing.... We decided to sit on the bench until I got better. I fell asleep on Yuriy's lap for about 20 minutes. It was really cute.
Later during the day, he won me a cute little killer whale. Wes won Yang the cutest giant dog ever. Yang spent 20 dollars on "science of the circle". That was alot of money. But she was really close:)
What else.....So much happened man.... We had alot of fun. I didn't get to go on my favorite ride. I was afraid my friends would make fun of me so I didn't ask them if they wanted to go. I love the tea cups, they are amazing. But oh well. Next time.
Emily and I talked to everyone we saw. We made alot of friends. It was alot of fun. I still haven't given Yuriy his gift. I know he is gonna like it:) If he doesn't, he better fake his appreciation for it:) Well, we pushed back our birthday dinner..It's gonna be tomorow...Hopefully.....
I'm really tired and it is midnight...I have to wake up at 4:30 AM for work tomorow. Thank you guys for helping me with the planing and thanks for joining us at elitche's:) I had a great time.
So the most amazing girlfriend I am, I surprised him with a little breakfast get together and invited all his friends. He liked it, even though many people made attempts to ruin the surprise. He is just a bit too slow to solve the puzzle but he was surrprised and it was fun. So it was Lauren, Wes, Vitaly, Yang, Emily, Yuriy and I. And all you guys who said you guys were coming and didn't show up be ashamed of yourselves. ....We all had good breakfast. After that; Yang, Wes, Emily, Yuriy and I went to Elitche's... That was also a part of his surprise birthday. We had dippin dots and funnel cake:):):):) Believe it or not that was just as fun as the rides:) It was awesome. I was looking for Wes and Yang. I accidently said "where is Wang and Yes?" I thought that was really funny:) And then....My boyfriend won me a "cat in the hat" hat. heheh...I made friends with everyone. Now I have three boyfriends. One of them is 12 and the other is 7. I wanted to make friends with this other boy but he rejected me. He rejected my friendship, that was really sad:( I told my 12 year old boyfriend that Yuriy beats me and he yelled at Yuriy and Yuriy said "don't beat my new girlfriend up from now on" and I love how he responded "ok, I won't!".....Hehehe we had alot of fun. My stomach got really sick after sea dragon boat ride thing.... We decided to sit on the bench until I got better. I fell asleep on Yuriy's lap for about 20 minutes. It was really cute.
Later during the day, he won me a cute little killer whale. Wes won Yang the cutest giant dog ever. Yang spent 20 dollars on "science of the circle". That was alot of money. But she was really close:)
What else.....So much happened man.... We had alot of fun. I didn't get to go on my favorite ride. I was afraid my friends would make fun of me so I didn't ask them if they wanted to go. I love the tea cups, they are amazing. But oh well. Next time.
Emily and I talked to everyone we saw. We made alot of friends. It was alot of fun. I still haven't given Yuriy his gift. I know he is gonna like it:) If he doesn't, he better fake his appreciation for it:) Well, we pushed back our birthday dinner..It's gonna be tomorow...Hopefully.....
I'm really tired and it is midnight...I have to wake up at 4:30 AM for work tomorow. Thank you guys for helping me with the planing and thanks for joining us at elitche's:) I had a great time.
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