CRAZY DAY&NIGHT

CRAZY!!!!

My morning was good even though I had to wake up at 5:00 in the morning. It was still good, cuz I saw him. We talked it was nice. We had chai together and thats always good. A cup of chai with him makes all my pain go away. A smile from him, makes every problem in the world disappear. A hug from him, makes my legs go numb. Just looking at him, soothes me.

What a great day with him. It was amazing. Everything was going to be better. We were on good actually great terms. Nothing in the world matters when we are on good terms. He was amazing. He looked amazing. He smelled amazing. God, how much I want him.

Today, I went and got a whole bunch of stuff for my car. That was nice. Now, I have to fix the door. So finally I can get out of my car:) But that doesn't even matter. Cuz when I got home, I checked the mail and I got accepted to CU Boulder. YAY. He came and hugged me and held me in his arms. Everything seemed so perfect, we fit into each others arms so nicely. I was so happy. Getting into college was nice, but having him right there was so much better. He is so perfect.

God, I never wanted to let go. But I had to. We had to go to the gym. It was nice going with him. Sitting in his car, looking at his perfection. How he drives so perfectly and everything he does is flawless, I keep falling deeper in love with him. Maybe, if he wasnt so amazing, my love wouldnt grow but every action he persues is like......driving me crazy. i love him.

Gym was nice. Sitting there in the Suana. Looking at his sweaty body... He makes me go crazy. I couldnt say enough, but the words just don't come out right. Nothing I do comes out right. I fuck up when I think that I'm don't. I fuck up everything. Right when we were being better I fucked up again. It seems like everything is against us. I want alot of things. I don't give a shit anymore. I don't care what anyone might say. I don't care what he might or will think. I'm going to write him notes, I'm going to hug him at school, I'm gonna call him to say goodnight, I'm going to dance up on him, I'm going to make every effort to make this work. I'm going to work on us.

Even if he is dating other girls...I can't just go do the same thing because that's not like me. I can't just waste my time like that. The only reason I would even think about doing that is to make him jealous. But that doesn't even make any sense. Why would I want that? All I can do is show him that I love him, and I'm ready to make him happy, make us happy. And I know everything is going to be better. Cuz I know things will work out. I love him. And nothing can come between our love. Not another girl, or a stupid fight. I will wait until the end of time if I have to.

He is sick, so I hope he gets better. And I hope he can smile after he reads this. I hope he reads it. Everything is so hard but I have to stay strong. I will do everything for him. And now I have to let him go and wait quietly and patiently.