I have hope.

I don't really know how to express my thoughts. I have been thinking alot. I like where I am but unfortunately I don't like where I stand with him. But I have hope. I know that we will be ok. I'm grateful that he is still in my life. So the last time I actually spoke to him was thursday. So Friday passed by without him, Saturday, and then Sunday... I was going to die today if he hadn't called me. I don't think I'm going to sleep anytime soon due to the reason that I drank too much coffee today. I don't even drink that much coffee unless I am with Chris:) I love him. I miss him. I want him back. Wow. I'm really straight forward.

I always had trouble with what I wanted from life. Because of that I was never happy with what I had. As of this moment, I couldn't be more sure of what I want from life. I want to be with him and make him happy. I know that there is a good me, inside all the mess. I know I need some time to think, read, sleep, dream, cry, laugh... I have been doing that for the past 2 weeks. And I can do that for a life time. I know that I can still do all the stuff that make me me with him as well. This long, extended break made me stronger. I know it is a bad way to realize that you need to show someone you love them, and care for them, and you shouldn't hurt them cuz they are the best thing that ever happened to you. But I have been trying to be optimistic so I am going to say something pathetic.. it is better late than never. I am glad that I realized it. Although it hasn't been long, I'm ready to wait as long as I have to.

So this is a question to my gang... Should I live with Emily in college? I mean I have known her since 7th grade. We are like sisters. Do you think it will jeopordize our friendship? Anyways. I am being random.

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Today's blog is not going to be long. I have so much going through my mind. I'm going to be sitting, wishing, waiting and changing cuz I still have hope.