"I know how it is to love someone"

Lately, I have been hearing that alot. I don't fully understand that sentence. I could never say that to another human being. Love is different for everyone. I know how it is to love him... Because I believe I love him. But I don't know what it is like to love someone. I am not about to generalize my love. What we had and what we were.....were different. We weren't like any other. He was different. And I broke his heart. I messed up. Nothing I say comes out right. Nothing I do fixes anything. A great friend said today, "Let go of everything you worry about, let go because it's just eating you inside... Clear your mind and sleep at night. The reason God doesn't sleep is because so he can worry about all those things for you". She said to leave things to faith. Once you let God handle them he already knows whats best for you....So there is nothing to worry about. I think that was the best advice anyone has given me. She told me to have faith, she didn't tell me to move on, date other people or a whole bunch of stuff I am not ready to do. She told me exactly what I needed to hear. For the good portion of tonight I was in a good mood and happy. I was trying not to cry because it's over but smile for him ever coming into my life.

Hanging out with my favorite girls was fun. My dad let me have his car tonight which was a miracle. I think it's because of the way college stuff worked out. I was driving around possibly to meet up with Emily... I decided to call him and I woke him up. I still feel bad for that. I just wanted to leave a message saying goodnight. He is really sick. He is in pain. I did that to him. It was really hard to be there. It was really hard to see that I hurt him so much. And I continue to hurt him. Obviously, that's not the way we wanted things to be. Tonight was special like everyday spent with him. We drank tea earlier. Christie makes fun of me for drinking tea all the time:) chai is good for you.