Pfff

I am overwhelmed. I was proof reading my essay a minute ago and my brain stopped functioning. It usually does in situations like this. A lot of things bother me, for instance, how come one can party till sunrise and not be able to do homework till sunrise? I guess your brain getting tired is more overwhelming than your body giving in. I have been thinking that I don't really have any "close" friends like him. Maybe about 1.5 years ago I made a mistake and risked a friendship. I thought about this today.... what if he left me... I don't have any close friends. I could not call him and tell him the things I would tell my close friend after he left me...

I am overwhelmed. I have no one to talk to... no one to call. I missed 11:11. I would have wished for a phone call. I haven't gotten any today. It is unlikely I will get one soon. How come I can't go to sleep but he sleeps soundlessly? I feel like my heart is aching so much that it is affecting my breathing. I have trouble breathing when my heart aches. I thought that he told me we would not fight over stupid stuff. He doesn't love me. He hasn't for the past 6 months. I know he doesn't. When he tells me otherwise, it is not so much that he is trying to convince me otherwise, he is trying to convince himself that he still feels for me.

I am overwhelmed. I dunno what's going on. I know that not talking to him is difficult but once couple days go by it gets easier. Then, couple more days go by.... then, couple more... and without realizing it... you've buried your feelings so deep down that, you breath normal everytime the phone rings... because you are used to him not loving you, not calling you...

I am overwhelmed... because I am dilusional... because deep down I know he loves me... but these are all the unlikely possiblities how we will end. Deep down I know he is stubborn. And he will apoligize and everything will be better than before. But why are we fighting? I am not even mad anymore, I just want him to call and make up.. But my phone never rings. And when it does, it's not him.