Darkness falls over me.......

My life is shrinking to this ( . ) size. If the most important person in my life leaves, then my life is meaningless.... I will miss everything about my brother. I will miss how we spent most our days fighting for the past 17 years. I will miss how we made up after the horrible fights. I will miss how he called me his "honey" and I will miss how he told me to "fuck off". I will miss seeing his brown face that looks nothing like me. I will miss him call me a gypsy and tease me I'm not family cuz I'm whiter. I will miss him tell me the stupidest lie in the world and how I would believe it anyway because I trust him with all my heart. I will miss how he is always late to pick me up from school/work. No no, I will miss how he is late to do anything and everything. I will miss his smart assnessness. I will miss the look in his eyes when he says "I love you lil'sis'.....I will miss how he sits in front of his computer and plays his games. Even though I barely saw him during the day, I knew that he was upstairs and he was near and that security made me believe he would never leave me. I will miss how he has always been a father to me in the absence of our real father. And our father was always absent. I will miss how he taught me how to drive in one night. I will miss how that one night all his friends, him and I hung out and played games and drank wine and took lots of pictures. I will miss how the same night I cried to him and wished for the same strength he had. I will miss how I cried in his arms. Everything I am and everything I stand for is because of my brother. The strong person I am today I owe it to my brother. The fact that I am not a stupid girl, I owe it to my brother. I thank him for the nights we spent talking about history, politics, life, and everything in between. Without him I might as well die. Without him you might as well lock me up and never give me food, and leave me to rot away. Without him, I'm incomplete. Without him, I'm not happy. Today, I cry because I want him to stay with me. I cry because I'm selfish. I cry cuz I can't let go. I cry because I know I am not strong. I cry because I will make him disappointed if he sees me cry. But I can't stop.