Love is not enough

Right now, there are so many things going through my head, it is very difficult to just focus on one thought. I know that what I'm gonna write here tonight is not make any sense to me when I read it in the morning and that frustrates me even more. Sometimes I get this feeling where I just feel so empty. There is a blank in my life and I don't know what to fill that blankness with. I don't think enough. I just have blankness, blank thoughts.... There is usually nothing in my mind. And I dunno if I like that. I think I might. I'm well aware of how I cover up my emotions maybe that is why I sort of feel blank. But emotions make you vulnerable to everything and relationships are all about boundaries. You have to protect yourself. And emotions hold you back.
So..... before my blank state I thought alot about the concept of love. You see already this shit is not making any sense. Anyways back to what I was saying; concept of love. Well you see I think there is one kind of love. You love your best friend the same way you love your husband and your mother. I don't think the whole idea of being "in love" exists at all. Just the whole concept of it sounds so superficial. Well this is so pointless right now. I simply don't care so I don't really want to explain myself.
Instead, let's talk about my day. I woke up at 4:30 AM, went to work and since I don't start until 6:30 AM; I slept from 5:30 to 6:30 AM...My friend, Ibette saw me sleeping on the couch and woke me up and I clocked in right on time. I have been good friends with Ibette, she is just so awesome. And I had it marked on my calender that today was her birthday. I completely spaced it. Totally forgot to get her a gift. And she has never forgotten my birthday or christmas or any special day. I hate how I did that. I was gonna cry when I said "happy 18th birthday". I felt just so ashamed.
This other thing pissed me off. So my mom has been offered a promotion at her job and this is gonna make her get paid more than my dad but my father will not let her take the job. He can be so stupid so what if she gets paid more, the money is gonna go to the same bank account. He refuses to let her take the promotion just because he is jealous.
Rest of my day was just kind of sitting around smoking hookah, watching a movie with couple of friends, and just basically relaxing. A pretty empty day:)