Hello Stranger

Alyse: I don't eat fish.
Dan: Why?
Alyse: Cuz fish piss in the sea.
Dan: Little children piss in the sea.
Alyse: I don't eat children.

So I have been thinking. Chris and I have been thinking... about sad movies and sad art. (we have been watching sad movies... so that triggers sad art?) As brought up in the movie Closer when people look at sad art they think of its beauty, not necesserily how sad it is, ot how the person felt when they did that. I don't know if it makes any sense but we can call that beautiful and appreciate it... when it may not even be appreciated by its maker. So after all it adds up to being a lie and its just all fake....

I have been replaced. But whatever. I don't want to talk about it. I have plenty going through my mind. I don't really want to talk about anything. I don't want to write about anything. I hate this. I am being stupid. I'm drowning in my emotions. There isn't really much left to say. There is plenty to do.

Alyse: I don't see this love you are talking about. I don't feel it, I don't sense it. Its just a bunch of words...
Dan: But I love you, don't do this to us...
Alyse: I don't love you anymore, it's over.
Dan: When did you stop loving me.
Alyse: Just now.

I don't believe this could ever happen. If you love someone and have great care for them you will always have those feelings. Feelings don't just fade away.

I really like the movie Closer. Relationships based on lies and games are not my thing. I don't like liars. I hate when I am being lied to. Why did Alyse have to lie, why did Anna lie, why did Dan have to cheat? I don't get it. Why ruin something so perfect and special? I guess I want reasons for such things because I want that temporary relief. When you think you have a reason for something, your heart rests for a little bit. You think everything is fixed and you think you feel better because you now have a fucking reason. But guess what?? It's nothing but temporary relief. In order to fix things you don't need reasons. Reasons don't justify anything. There is a greater level of something. It's not to have a reason for doing something bad. I don't know. Too many things. I have drowned myself in my thoughts.

When you think that you have lost all connection with somebody from the past and they write you a message... I can't describe my feelings right now. To think that I met her in 4th grade. Wow. I don't know what to say. People go different ways. I miss her. Where is she now? Why so far away? I'm so confused. Why don't I have someone to hold?? I don't get it. Do I deserve to be alone? I feel alone. I know I am not. But I feel alone.People get what they deserve and I know I deserve this....

Goodnight.