Hardest week of my life. To think that only 7 days ago we could have made everything so different. To think that 7 days ago we were kissing, holding each other, loving one another more than ever, to think that we were on our way to be happy....and then it fell apart. Everything fell apart. But that's life. Things change. What can you do? These are the types of things I have been hearing from the one I love. It is hard. But I just have to take it as it comes my way. To know that I can make us happy and not being able to show that...sucks. To know that we could be going out, not caring about anything, dancing, cuddling, kissing... But it's all gone.
Today was hard. Difficult morning. I brought it upon myself. I can't complain. But it was nice to look into his blue/gray eyes. Maybe things would be easier if he stopped looking so cute:) It's not about how cute he is though, that has no significance...I valued him in every way. Not just his looks.
I went to the mall today, I exchanged a few things I bought. I'm stressed out. I stress him out. This is so hard. My world was so about him, now that he is not in my world, I have nothing. This is so so difficult. He doesnt believe or trust me. I was the number one person he trusted a week ago. I took it all away. Then maybe if I told him, would he believe that I could make him happy? Probably... Bad timing. Stupid fucker... All added up and ended us for good. I need to tell myself it's for good. I need to tell myself it's over. If I keep telling myself it's done with then I might start to believe myself. Right now, it's just hard.
Emily. I love her. She was with me the whole day. We went to the hookah bar. That was really chill. NO MINT???? I was upset:) We are going down there tomorow too. Emily and I are gonna dance away our problems. I'm excited.
8 hour community service tomorow. I'm looking forward to that. How exciting. What is the point of punishing me for a crime that I can never commit? Some laws are retarded. But they keep order. So, I can't complain. I need to sleep. He said he would call. But he didn't. I guess I can't blame him...After everything I did to him....He doesnt read my blogs, I think he stopped. Why should he? I wonder if he is just acting tough... maybe he has hope that we could fix it as much as I do. But I have no right to say that or think that. He is moving on. I guess, at one point in time I have to, too.
Today was the first time I had breakfast and dinner. I guess I started eating better. I need to ease myself in slowly. I can't just gain everything back. Not after I worked so hard. I look alot better now. Too bad there is no him to appreciate my body. After all, that was all for him too. I hate that kid. He took away the most amazing person in my life. I cant blame it all on him but I can blame him enough to hate him. We were gonna fix stuff. He didn't even give us a chance. He just went and took him away from me. It's like everyone is against us being together.... He had no reason to be against us, but he wanted to separate us and he did... Everyone tells me to move on. Why can't they tell me to wait, or love, or something that is more hopefull? Why do they not want us together? Not when he have so much love? If you can't wait for the one you love, who will you wait for. I will wait days, weeks, months, years if I have to. Because I meant it when I said I love you. I meant it when I said I could die for our love. My love just doesn't go away.
Now, I have to deal with this. Hopefully one day, I can be happy. But in the meantime...I am waiting for him. And I love him more than ever.
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